You once said that separation is the highest form of association, because in separation the heart remembers constantly. If that is true, then I have never been without you for even a moment.
Every now and then, certain moments arise that awaken powerful memories of you. One such occasion is whenever I hear the Sad-Goswami-Astakam by Srinivasa Acarya. Each time those sacred verses are sung, I am overcome with a deep and special feeling. This is because in June of 1974, when you were visiting our temple in Geneva, Switzerland, you came down one morning from your quarters to give the Srimad-Bhagavatam class in our small temple room. But instead of beginning with the customary Jaya Radha Madhava song, you picked up your kartals and sang all eight verses of the Sad-Goswami-Astakam. As I followed the translation while you sang, I began to realize the profound depth of what you were teaching us, and how exalted the ultimate goal of Krishna consciousness truly is. I have never forgotten that moment. Those few minutes when you sang left an indelible impression upon my heart — one that continues to inspire me to this very day.
Srila Prabhupada, so much has changed in the world since you were here, yet your mission remains timeless — ever-fresh, ever-relevant. I have seen generations come and go; I have seen cultures shift and borders disappear. But the medicine you gave — the chanting of the holy names, the wisdom of your books, the power of prasadam and samkirtan— heals the heart in every age and in every land. When I witness people dancing in kirtan, tears streaming down their faces, I feel your spirit move among them. You are still here, Srila Prabhupada — in every heartbeat that vibrates with the holy name.
Often, when I am surrounded by the joyful chaos of a festival — the crowds singing, the drums resounding, the fragrance of prasadam in the air — I close my eyes and think of you. I see you standing there, smiling, your hands raised, encouraging us all to go on. In those moments, I understand that this is your presence — not confined to a single time or place, but living in the mission itself. You are in the kirtan, in the books, in the devotees’ smiles, and in every sincere attempt to serve. And when I realize that, my heart finds peace even in the anguish of separation.
My dear spiritual master, I am now in the twilight of my years. This body moves slower, but my heart still beats with the same enthusiasm you once awakened within me. That fire to serve you — to carry your message to every town and village, to touch hearts through kirtan, books, and festivals — has not faded. If anything, it burns stronger, knowing that time is short now and that each day is a gift for service.
Sometimes I look back and think: I have not done enough. I have traveled the world many times, I have sung your glories before thousands, I have tried to bring souls to your lotus feet — and still, I feel it is too little. How can I ever repay what you have done for me? You gave me everything: purpose, faith, family, and a vision of Krishna that makes every breath of life meaningful. Whatever I have done, whatever I may do, it will never be enough.
Please never leave me, Srila Prabhupada. Hold my hand now as I grow old, guide me through the final tests of this life, and grant me the strength to serve you until my last breath. Let me die as I have lived — chanting your glories, sharing your message, and remembering your lotus feet.
And when the time comes to leave this world, Srila Prabhupada, please allow me to find you again — wherever you are — so that I may continue serving you with renewed enthusiasm and a purified heart; either here or in the spiritual realm of Sri Vrindavan Dhama. There, beyond the veil of this temporary existence, you stand waiting for us, Srila Prabhupada, with the same patient, compassionate gaze that first drew us to your lotus feet. I imagine you surrounded by your beloved disciples who have already joined you, as you engage them in the intricacies of pure devotional service to the divine couple, Sri Sri Radha and Krsna. What a glorious homecoming that will be — to see you again, to bow down before you, and to continue your service in that eternal land of devotion.
My dear most spiritual master, on this day of your disappearance, I offer my heart again and again at your lotus feet. Whatever life remains in me, let it be spent glorifying you. Let me live as your servant, die as your servant, and awaken again only as your servant.
I am yours, Srila Prabhupada. Now and forever.
Your ever-grateful servant,
Indradyumna Swami
